ADHD and social skills
ADHD is a common neurodevelopmental condition that significantly impacts an individual’s capacity to regulate their attention, and/or impulses, and/or activity level. According to the CDC, 9% of U.S. children aged 3 to 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD. A higher proportion of White children are diagnosed with ADHD, although there is limited evidence of fewer symptoms in other racial and ethnic groups.
ADHD can affect a child’s functioning in other areas, as well, including their social success. For example, difficulty focusing and sustaining attention can result in missing social cues, forgetting conversations, and failing to notice how one’s behavior affects others. In addition, problems with impulse control can lead to behaviors that may be perceived as socially off-putting, such as cutting in line, pushing, interrupting, blurting out comments, and being overly silly. ADHD is often accompanied by difficulty regulating emotional reactions, as well, including a tendency to be easily upset and frustrated. This too can result in behaviors that that can negatively impact the way in which the child with ADHD is perceived by his or her peers.
For these reasons, children with ADHD often benefit from social skills support. This can take different forms, ranging from social coaching provided by parents, to attending a social skills group (often known as a “lunch bunch”) at school, to receiving formal social skills intervention, e.g., meeting one-to-one with a therapist, joining a therapist-led social skills group, or attending a specialized summer camp. Regardless of the means of intervention, here are some ideas to consider incorporating:
Helping the child learn to pause and try to “read the room” when entering a new situation, e.g., when joining a group of children who are already engaged in a game.
Teaching the child to take “no” seriously, to help them avoid situations where a joke is taken too far or behavior gets out of control.
Helping the child remember that conversation is like a tennis game – we need to bat the ball back and forth, listening to others’ input without interrupting.
Teaching the child to pause before reacting when upset (e.g., by counting to ten, taking three deep breaths, et cetera).
Reminding the child to try to use a calm, respectful voice when addressing others, even when upset.
It is important for the caregivers involved in the child’s life to be aware of these potential issues and to help appropriately support the child to promote success. Strategies will vary based on the child’s development level, but general things to bear in mind include:
Establishing eye contact with the child before issuing directions.
Breaking instructions down into manageable steps (e.g., instead of “clean your room,” an adult might say, “first pick up your toys and put them in your toy box, then put your books on the shelf, then put your dirty laundry in the hamper,” et cetera).
Providing visual cues to help the child navigate daily routines (e.g., a list of items to pack in the backpack, a list of steps for the morning routine, et cetera).
Making the implicit explicit, by sharing with your child how their behavior affects you (e.g., “when you interrupt, it makes me feel like I’m not part of the conversation”).
Providing opportunities for peer socialization (e.g., enrolling your child in extra-curricular activities that align with his/her interests, to help them gain access to like-minded peers).
Trying to distinguish between can’t/won’t – what are things that the child won’t do, and what are things that he or she is not yet capable of doing.
Being sure to include plenty of positive reinforcement and praise, as these will help promote your child’s progress.
Educating your child about ADHD and how it can impact their behavior (e.g., via our book, “Different Thinkers: ADHD”!)
Remember that while children with ADHD may have some difficulties related to socioemotional functioning, they often have many excellent strengths in this area, as well. For example, they can focus well on things that are important to them, which helps them develop more advanced skills in these areas, and this can support bonds with other children who share their interests. In addition, kids with ADHD can be spontaneous, energetic, and adventurous, and they are often very creative, all of which can serve as wonderful social assets. While a diagnosis of ADHD makes your child a different thinker who may require some assistance with strategies to address areas of difficulty, this diagnosis does not define your child, and it also comes with many strengths; different thinkers can and do make wonderful things happen!